Although I have tried to locate some of the letters that I recieved from the mysterious Juanita, unfortunately I have been unable to come across any of them in my mounds of junk. Perhaps they were washed overboard or more likely sit in a spot that I least expect. I have found 2 letters that I had written back to her in Belieze after I had returned to the states. They are funny enough and represent the lively banter that we both enjoyed.

Sometime in 1986

Miss Perez --------------(in Belieze every woman is Miss this and Miss that)

Hola! Que Pasa? Donde esta es con amor? Como esta freejoles!!

How you bean? Miss Perez, I know now that I must be world reknowned from all parts of the globe come letters of endearment and of love for which my heart patter pitters. Only a few months ago I was unknown, unloved, and forsaken but now, with the undying dedication of numerous senoritas and women of the world I am filled with such desire and inner worth. When one realizes that he is shamefully dreamt of during the night by ladies throughout the world he is on the right track somewhere down the line.

But you dearest senorita my heart beats especially fast for you. I picture eyes of almond brown, big as moons and long silky black hair that reaches down past your pert little round bottom. Breasts that piercingly dart thru your little lace blouses bursting to be free. And your lips inviting and sensuously full. Your mother does well to look after your welfare with all the wolves about. Tell her she doesn't have to worry about me I am a lamb.

Tell me love all your desires and I will tell you of mine. Together we can make beautiful music. Tell me also of your country.

Do you think perhaps that one day you will leave Belize and make it to the United States? Will you cross the Rio Grande in the thick of the night and swim it's swift waters naked to freedom on the other side? Avoiding the gringo patrols by stealth and wit to find me here in Los Angeles? Let me know my love. I will cross hell and high water to tmeet you and to help you overcome all dangers. Once safe and sound here in LA I will bathe you and ply you with fine wine and soft music and erase from you dainty little brow all the horrors of your experience and as time passes you will come to learn our gringo ways and become a Los Angelean!! Work nine to five and combat the freeways. And learn to live with 25 million people where ever you go! Doesn't that sound exciting?

I will close for now my buttercup, please write me

Mucho Amor

Floyd

P.S. Juanita.. If you see any gringo touristas, female type, named Tina or Noddy give them my love also.

Later

I recieve a letter from Juanita confessing that she is really Miss Doris! Miss Doris is a 300 lb postmaster in Placencia Belieze. Needless to say I am shocked!

Ahh Ha!!

I should have know it was you Miss Doris all along... Imagine my suprise to find your letter in my box and to find that you are also a member of my fan club! It just goes to show you that you sometimes spend years knowing a person and yet never know them. I am extremely flubbergasted and flattered to recieve such a declaration of your undying love that I don't know what to say. There is definetely enough of you to love and underneath all your, or should I say, deep inside there must lie a heart of a young beautiful woman with alot to please a man. Boy, it must have been some fight for only two girls to break your ribs! Were they as muscular as you? It is a wonderful feeling to be fought over but I must protest my lovely, because Placencia would never be the same if things got out of hand and you were to go whirling down the sidewalk in reckless abandon, buildings could collapse, people crushed! I know I would hate to feel the weight of your anger! The enormous power that you command could lay waste to the entire country of Belize. But I know you to be more than that Miss Doris, so sweet, kind, and gentle. What may I ask can a man like me want more? And such a devious mind to! All those anonomous letters I recieved and never guessed it was you! I can see now the twinkle in your eyes when I stopped by the post office to pick them up, all the while thinking that they were from, of all things, a gorgeous valkrye of blonde hair and gorgeous boobs named Tina. She probably doesn't even remember me anymore. But your Doris, your love shines through to me all the way from Belize to LA. I wonder what you would think of my world now, full of freeways, concrete, and millions of people. More than you can imagine there in Placencia. The night clubs and the bars, movie stars! Breathing hydrocarbons instead of fresh sea air, drinkin LA water instead of what falls from the sky, I could go on and on. You Miss Doris know how to live on nothing. Well now when I look out at the sea and wish to get away I can now thing of your generous self and what we could do with eachother when I am back that way again. You know the ride would be ectasy with you my little flower, too bad they don't have cold winter nights there in Belize. But reality, my dear hits you in the face like a cold, cold fish. You are there and I am here, just like Donald and Lydia (John Prine song) we will have to make love from 1000 miles away!