I am finding myself being slowly surrounded by women, along with Tina, Noddy and Janice we meet Batina who is here waiting for her husband who works for an oil company. Batina is a little witch! At the Seabreeze one night even thou she doesn’t drink she runs around with a bottle of rum keeping Janices and I glass full of rum. One thing that endeared me most about Janice is in response to some question that I can’t even remember now she looks at me with this expression that I can’t describe and says "I’m tuff!" and I know that this will only make sense to me but in that moment it seemed to me that I looked down into the very heart of this person and saw her true self, it was a vision to me of total openness. When I think of Janice that is the person that I saw and will continue to think of as being her, wide eyed and curious about the world and everything in it, the world is like a poem to Jan and she doesn’t see the cold lines of logical reality of the world as I see it but as a sonnet a line of music patterns of the wind on the waves. Maybe she doesn’t really see things that way but I think she does. I know that she has something, something that really makes her different and special.

We hear about this guy on Rum Point who is willing to give Spanish Lessons and so Jan and I enroll. It is a nice walk up the beach probably 1 ½ miles or so and it is very pleasant. Coming or going from Placentia you can see the masts of the sailboats shimmering in the heat haze becoming distorted and unreal. When the wind is quiet and the water gently slaps the sand and the sound of a fly darting around your face it becomes a very nice moment in your life just to be walking and enjoying just being there. I am sure this guy is a retired Nazi, but I try to learn the words and Janice and I do our homework. I try to fit the Spanish into funny sayings, or romantic ones like the "Stars of your Eyes" or "Como esta Frijoles"

One day as we are leaving for our lesson and Suzy is in the States for a couple of weeks Dad tells us that he will have barbecue chicken waiting for us when we get back. So Spanish done we head back to the dock were we expect Dad to be waiting to pick us up to go eat this marvelous chicken, and we find the dingy there but no dad. Guessing that he is back at Seabreeze we head on back and sure enough, there he is at the bar, and with a beautiful young woman! We get introduced, her name is Rosy. We have a couple of drinks and I notice it’s getting dark outside, I ask Dad "what about the barbecue?" he says yes we had better go on back and have dinner and he invites Rosy along. I ask him just what time he had put the chicken on. He says oh about 3:30. It is going on around 7 pm now and by the time we get back to the boat we discover that the chicken is burned right down to the bones! We are so hungry that we fry up some Plantanoes and eat it. Dad looks at Rosy with the most serious face that you can imagine and says "Yeah, I used to be a cook in the Navy" It turns out that Rosy is actually a gourmet cook who cooks for the rich and famous in Santa Cruz. Janice is worried about Suzy and my Dad’s faithfulness and asks him about Rosy, he replies "I just wanted to see if I could still do it."

Janice finds a nice situation boat sitting this old and dilapidated trimaran that is anchored in the harbor. I begin spending alot of time with Janice and staying over on her boat. One night as she is getting ready for bed and taking her contact lenses out using a candle for light. I see her head and her fabulous hair coming closer and closer to the flame. For some reason I can’t get any sound out of my throat to warn her that she is going to catch herself on fire. Sure enough, whoosh a few strands go up in smoke. But having good reflexes Jan jumps back and not to much damage is done.

Janice and I become inseparable along with Batina, Barbra, Tina, Rosy and Noddy. My dad goes on up to Stann Creek to a wedding and I have the boat to myself for a week or two. I have women coming out of my ears, they are making me pecan cookies, dinners and rowing me ashore. The are making my life paradise and my reputation among the local Belizeans and gringos becomes legendary. Me and my entourage hang out on the boat, swim naked listen to music and make love (just jan and i unfortunately) The local women come out in little dories to innocently hang off the anchor chain to fish and to listen ha ha. Sometimes we have fun and give them something to gossip about. One afternoon in a squall the Lemon Squeeze begins to drag, my little Seagull won’t start and so Noddy just takes off in her little dory paddling against the wind and waves to intercept. Crazy Chris comes out from the beach in his little dory and helps her reset the anchor, no problem. Barbra meets Barbara in town who used to be quite a ballet dancer and gets Janice to rent out her little bungalow made out of concrete on the beach. We met this couple from Germany on a steel boat, he speaks a little German and seems to be a nice guy but we soon find out he is a real leech, I can understand maybe helping out with food because his wife is pregnant and needs it but this guy is always wanting a cigarette. One night we have a bonfire on the beach and invite a few people over, there was this beautiful Israeli woman that lived up the beach with this asshole husband, I wish I could remember her name, she and her name was really beautiful, hauntingly in fact. I felt sorry for her to have such potential for happiness and she was stuck with this alcoholic irresponsible guy who didn’t treat her well, thou I guess he was exciting with lots of plans and good talk about all the stuff he was going to accomplish but never did, anyway alot of people are like that I guess.

I guess that I am a real exhibitionist as I get Barbara and Jan to the beach and I end up with Jan a natural. I really could never figure out Barbara, she either really didn’t like men or she had been hurt real bad.

We also meet Russell around, he lives in a camper truck at this time in Belize he seems a quiet and normal person. Plays guitar and knows every John Prine song that there is. We have some wonderful evenings playing guitar and sitting around. One night I don’t know where I got the inspiration but I was just in a magical mood or something and my guitar just sounded so good it was playing itself. Russell who definitely is a better guitar player than I said that he was completely absorbed in my playing. I don’t think I have ever played that way since that night, it must have really been magic for me. We meet Russell years later in the Rio Dulce and he has had quite the personality change. He doesn’t play guitar anymore and he is definitely loud and can be obnoxious but we still like him.

I don’t know but it seems like everything was magic, Janice I could tell really liked me and to tell the truth that started making me real uncomfortable. Here I was meeting all these women and it seemed like I was really coming out of my shell this rut I had been in for 4 years after Jeanette. I discovered that being in this kind of world and this kind of lifestyle that I could go on meeting all kinds of women and different kinds of folk. I really didn’t want to loose that and I could tell that Janice wanted to become attached I think. One day on the way to Spanish Class I stopped her on the beach and asked her. Yes she said that she was falling in love with me, and I told her that I really wanted to be free, I wanted to be free to be with Doreen and free to continue to pursue Tina. I don’t really remember of course exactly what I said. But I know that I really liked Jan but I wasn’t feeling what she was, I expected her to be leaving in a week or two or three and that would be the last I would see of her. My life could have easily gone that way and sometimes I wish that it had and I know I have kinda of pretended that it did to get me thru some hard times.

But you know I don’t regret anything in my life even the bad things and I think it is impossible to do so because everything leads on to the next.

We meet Dale and Joan, who my Dad and Suzy seem to like, I think he is slimy especially when he makes some remark about Janice to me in a restaurant. My memory is shot but I can remember coming close to just punching him out right there, probably as close as I have ever come to something like that. Anyway they get Dad and Suzy to agree to take them out to the reefs to go scuba diving, I would like to anything other than that but end up having to take them out in the dingy and wait in the hot sun while they flap around scaring the fish. Years later they turn up on the old man’s doorstep and set in motion a sequence of events that seem unbelievable now. He ends up taking Joan for every dime of her savings, screwing up a job the old man got him with fart face.

We plan a trip back up to Happy Hallow and Hard Luck Charely’s and we actually get underway when Dad starts to have a bad feeling about the whole thing. It is good that we heed his gut feeling and head back because for the next week or so the weather gets really crappy.

One night after having dinner at my friends with this other couple and kids on a trimaran and whopper goes by. Going out to the boats the trimaran is gone! the girl who is about 14 and who left ahead of us sees the mast head light way off in the distance and manages to paddle and catch up with it, gets on board and resets the anchor, good girl!!

Somewhere around this time we meet a guy named Steve and his wife ??? He turns out to be quite a etrepenure and somewhat a con man. He supposedly is making a documentary on Belize and is filming all kinds of things. He also has alot of bad luck as all their stuff is stolen out of their jeep. Years later in San Pedro we are at the post office and we hear a "Hey Jan" it is Steve staring out at us from a pickup truck. He is living in San Pedro and is involved in somemore schemes involving Artificial Intelligence or something. We have dinner with them one night and have a good time.

Meanwhile we make plans for Twinkle to visit we are to pick her up at the airport on Xmas day so that means sailing up in Aphrodite. Jan says she is running out of money and must go and asks for a ride. I am suprised at Suzy when she wants to ask Janice for $20 US to take her. I don’t know why now why I just didn’t give Suzy $20 but I realize now it must have been a real chunk of Jan’s dwindling piggy bank. Our trip up to Belize City was right into a Norther, not a real strong one but by nightfall we had only made it to Sitti Point, which with the northwest wind was a perfect calm as glass anchorage. Jan and I enjoy our last night together, she tells me when I make it back to the states to call her up and most probable that she will still be in Detroit with her parents. I take down her phone number but I really think that this will be the last time I ever see her, confusion in my brain wants my freedom and then another part of me really likes this woman, I will just have to see what happens.

Anchored in Belize harbor, Dad and Suzy prepare to go ashore and to the airport to pick up Steve and Twinkle. Janice will go ashore with them and catch a morning bus back to Mexico. It is hard saying good-by and it is hard thinking the rest of the night about where she will go and what she will do, I look out over the lights in the water that is Belize City knowing that there she sleeps over there and I wonder if I will ever see her again.

Twinkle and Steve make it out to the boat minus their luggage of course. The wind is building but it is quite pleasant, Harry calls this the Xmas wind. Shortly thereafter we hear a hail, and it is Russell in a Belizean sailboat. He has picked his girlfriend up at the airport and is sailing back down to Placencia. They come aboard and I break out the Civas Regal, that I had for a special occasion. Thus lubricated I get Russell to play some guitar which is right up Steve’s alley, he knows every song. Later Russell sails off into the night, they have a rambunctious trip and blow out two sails.

The next morning the sky is full of thunderstorms but we leave anyway. It seems like everytime we take Twinkle sailing it turns into a interesting voyage. All the way back to Placencia is an exercise in taking the sails down and putting them up again. By now this is old hat for us but pretty scary for Twink.

When we get back to Placencia the weather turns gorgeous, we meander around and spend time at the Seabreeze. I take Twink out in the dingy to explore the lagoon and we see a Manatee or two. Dolphins come by the boat on a regular basis now on their way to who knows where. We have barbecues and eat real good.

One night early early we are propelled out of our sleep by a tremendous noise. Thinking that we must be sinking we check all the bilge’s and find nothing. Again it happens and we decide it must be someone setting off dynamite. Sure enough offshore we see some lights, we raise them on the VHF and discover they are sounding for oil exploration. Why in the hell they have to do that at 3 am I haven’t a clue.

Tina continues to tease me, I begin getting these letters from Juanita who craves my body and yearns for my everlasting love. This goes on back and forth, I write back that I am in love with this beautiful blonde Valkreye with unbelievable breasts and I have to wait for her to return my love. As the story progresses I find out that this beautiful native girl is in all actuality Miss Doris (300 lbs of her) but of course it is only Tina.

(Read a couple letters) Letters to Juanita

( I really miss those days with Tina, there was always this edge with me of wanting her sexually and maybe she had a little passion for me in a way. Years later we continued to stay in touch. One Xmas she meets me and we go out to Roatan to see my Dad. I intended with Jan’s I think reluctant permission to try and consummate my fantasy with her but in the end I just couldn’t do it. Tina on her part if she was thinking about me at all during that trip completely backed up when I told her that Jan and I were a couple now. It seems after that trip our relationship was never the same, The few times that we see each other after that we never regain the rapport that we did share and then finally it was pretty much a hello how have you been kinda thing. Tina remains a mystery to me, it is very possible that she just loves women thou I don’t think Noddy and her had a relationship, then again that’s what everybody thinks of her after knowing her a little while. I have never know her to have had a relationship with a man but I guess that is one of the great mysteries Tina has had for me. She is definitely an amazing person and I am sad that she is not a member of "The Floyd Stewart Fan Club" anymore.)

Twinkle and Steve never get their luggage until the get back to the states, when we arrive back in Belize City we spend alot of time trying to track it down with no luck. Too soon they are on the plane and going back to the states.

Around this time Dad and Suzy are making their plans to go back to Roatan. And I start making plans to go back to the states. I would help them sail back to Roatan and then I would go on back. I figured that I would go back to school and finish my degree and got my Mom to send me some applications. It looked like my best bet would be to go back to LA where I had a home base and see what happens.

It is sad for me to be leaving my friends and Placencia where I have had such a wonderful experience for the last 9 months. I can remember motoring back out to Aphrodite with Tina on my last night, she is sitting in the bow and I am trying to go slow and prolong this magical night under a Caribbean moon knowing that in the morning I shall be leaving not knowing if I would ever see her again. Life on a sailboat is full of good-byes, and each one that you say never gets any easier.

The next day we don’t leave until the late afternoon, we want to time ourselves to arrive at the pass thru the reef at daylight, this time we are going thru queens pass. We manage to check out at Big Creek and head on out. The one tricky part during the night is coming close to a bank that we have to pass. Sure enough even thou I have tried to stay south of it the depth sounder starts climbing and I have to continually bear east and out of danger. Soon however we are in the clear and I am able to go down below and sleep. Morning finds us at the pass just like we had planned it. Dad and Suzy get us thru the narrow gap without any problems and we head out into the open ocean.

Night falls and the wind starts to build, of course, but Aphrodite takes it well and we pass on thru the night. During Dad and Suzy’s watch they are so intent on finding Utilila’s light, which we find out later doesn’t work anymore, that as dawn approaches and I come up from sleep I find that they are completely disorientated and lost. I scan the horizon and finding a Mountain rising up out of the sea to the West of us I identify it as being West End on Roatan and set our correct course. We arrive in Coxen Hole once again and check in.

Well we have arrived and continue on back to Brick Bay and say hello again to Jerry OJ and Tina who are still here. Jerry interests us in a piece of property that has a house and a little land around it. It sounds wonderful and I can’t remember if it turned out that the people didn’t want to sell or what but it never happens. We do however discover Hog Plums which make a great mixer for Rum, Dad even makes some wine out of it which we still mix with rum to drink but what a punch!

From Brick Bay we decide to go out to Cayos Cochinos which are a group of islands about 25 miles away and very beautiful. And sure enough they are. We anchor next to a little powerboat and pretty soon we get a hail from the Resort’s caretakers inviting us in for dinner and drinks. This is where we meet Jim for the first time and also Fart Face. (I am having trouble remembering fart faces real name after the old man has called him that for so long) This meeting has amazing repercussions for us that will shape our lives for years to come. We immediately take a liking to Jim, another cruiser who found paradise and liked it and stayed. A top notch sailor and mechanic he has the necessary skills to be able to survive around here and he does. Fart Face we learn owns an island in Port Royal and is looking for a caretaker. Dad says that he is interested and we plan to go to Port Royal and see what the place is all about.

Cayos Cochinos is like a place you have only dreamt in your dreams of a island in the south pacific, crystal blue water and like a mountain rising from the sea it is indecribaly beautiful peaceful and serene. We spend a couple of days relaxing and although the diving is superb we never go and unfortunately we have never been later, oh well.

We make our way back to Port Royal and like it very much. It is soon decided that Dad and Suzy will have a job at Fort Cay. Roatan Lodge which is across the way turns out to be quite a party place and we have some fine evenings over there. Port Royal is a dream, the only way to reach there is by boat, there are no phones, no roads and hardly any people. The water is crystal clear and some of the most beautiful reefs in Roatan. We meet some of the other people that are around, the "Oh to Die" lady and her husband was one - what losers they turn out to be but just like people old fart face likes, pompous asses.

This period of my trip is kinda lost to me, I am unhappy and making plans to go back to the states. I book passage on the ???? Roatan Express???? and all too soon I am aboard and saying good-bye to Dad and my life in Paradise. I am the only passenger for the trip and my bunk is behind the Engine compartment which is very loud. Our first stop is Guanaja and I have an interesting time there. I ask if I have time to go ashore and look around and they say yes. I get back to the dock and the boat is gone!!! I ask around and somebody tells me they are on another boat across the water. I hire some guy in a dory to take me over there and get reunited with my ride. Guanaja is a interesting place, a whole town built on docks in the middle of the bay to keep away from all the sand flies.

Underway for the States we run into a Norther and it gets pretty rough. I am a good sailor and don’t get sick thou I don’t like the way a power boat rolls too much. It is also very cold and I am sleeping in all of my clothes to try to keep warm without much luck. I spend most of my time in bed trying to read for 5 days. The food is pretty good and I eat with the crew. One interesting thing is that the Captain is actually Ian’s Uncle! Small world. We arrive one morning in Tampa Bay, little did I know that 7 years later I would be coming under the same bridge with my own boat. We dock in St Petersburg and go thru customs.

Sometime in the past I have Jane’s address in St Petersburg and I get into a taxi. Arriving it looks like maybe she still lives there because I think I recognize an old Volkswagen in the back yard that she used to own. But nobody is home so I sit on the back porch and wait. Hours later Jenny arrives home from school and I scare the shit out of her. Soon however I explain to her who I am and she vaguely remembers me and invites me in for a much needed shower. Jane will be home from work shortly.

I find it really hard to adjust to being back in the states there are too many people and to much concrete, everything is going to fast. I find it very strange and disorientating. I read later in a Sailing Magazine that culture shock is a very big thing for cruisers that sometimes it takes a year or so to get their lives really back in order. That it is really hard to fight depression and to let go of all the adventure and things that they were used to accomplishing for this now alien society. I can say now with two such experiences under my belt that that is very true and it can be very destructive to your life especially when you don’t even know what is wrong with you. Maybe it is a cop out for something that if you were stronger that you could avoid and get your life on track but some of us aren’t that strong and especially when you haven’t a clue why things don’t seem to be meshing for you.

It is really fun to see Jane again, even thou I feel like I am sneaking around behind her boyfriend’s back because he wouldn’t understand our relationship. She takes me out dancing and we hang out playing pool it is a good time but my finances are dwindling and I need to head for Louisiana and my truck and motorcycle to get me back to Calif.

I buy a bus ticket for Mobil Alabama and it is my thought to stop and see Doreen. I spend the night at a friend of hers, who I immediately like even thou I can’t remember her name either. Back in Fairhope Doreen makes me a bed on the floor in the living room, although I am puzzled after the closeness we did have, I decide to let her feel comfortable with me once again, and sure enough it isn’t another night that she comes to visit me again. Doreen is hot for me to be a nude model for her art class and we do show up and see if they need me. We find out that I will be gone before the next class meeting, in a way I am sorry because I would find it a nice momento to have someone’s painting of me.

Doreen agrees to drive me back to Lafayette and to Bob’s where all my stuff is. Bob is away on a trip but Eileen tells us to make ourselves at home. Doreen spends the day with me and we go riding on my motorcycle, what a rush after being away from it for so long. I find all my stuff and all my papers have been chewed on by bugs in Bob’s shed and they smell really horrible but I guess that is the breaks. Doreen leaves the next morning and I am alone.

Janice told me to call when I got back to the states and I really hadn’t decided whether she really wanted me to or if I really wanted to either. But I start thinking about all the things that we had done together and the good times we had. It seemed like we were alot alike, I admired her gentleness and sense of humor and I liked the way that she wanted to travel and see the world. Doing things with her like hiking or climbing a mountain or whatever. She was yep rough and tough that I didn’t even consider that she would be this frail feminine woman. Janice could take nights in the mountains or travel great distances physically and emotionally. She was like no one I had ever met. So I decide to call her up. And she is happy to hear from me and tells me right off the bat if I would have her she would be on the next plane. Our plan is for her to help me drive back to LA and from there ?? I expect that she would be headed out soon on another adventure or back to her life in the Virgin Islands.

I finally get my truck fixed and I pick Janice up at the airport. Soon we are traveling across the country together. We arrive in Los Angeles and coming into the freeways there is almost more than I can handle, we’ve got cars coming out at us from all directions and it’s starting to rain. I am scared to death. We get to Marilyn’s and the end of our trip with $7 in our pockets and since Marilyn isn’t home we go to Denny’s for coffee and to keep trying her on the phone. Finally safe and sound it about 11pm and Marilyn pours me a Manhattan, which is exactly what I need to calm down. This adventure is over and I am awaiting the next.

11/1/94